Yeah, apparently one of a Mum's skills is "home forensic investigator". Specifically, I have to survey, analyze, and find the culprit of various 'crime scenes', including spilled milk on the kitchen floor, ketchup in a little girl's hair, shampoo in the toilet and unraveled plastic wrap in the living room.
Unfortunately, my CSI life isn't as glamorous as the T.V. show. I'm no Gil Grissom, Catherine Willows or Horatio Caine. I don't have a crime lab or a special team. Mysterious stains on my kids' clothing are usually identified as tomato sauce from the day's lunch at school (pizza, lasagna or spaghetti). Squashed fruit bars, pop tarts and gummy bears make their marks on the kitchen floor. The crayon scribbles on the wall are examples of self-expression and not a cryptic note to solve some all-important case.
My ballistics caseload includes pieces of hot dog, cereal, green beans, and toys that end up airborne for whatever reason. If I could run all the stray pieces of hair that get stuck in the vacuum cleaner through a DNA analyzer, I'd find the same culprits time after time. And who would have thought that ramen noodles can be used as a semi-effective disguise?
CSI: Mumville. At least I own one pair of cool-looking shades.
All original writing and art copyright A. Dameron 2000-2011